Freeform Katia

August 30, 2007

sleeps 6 hours

Filed under: madeleine — freeformkatia @ 1:29 pm

On Tuesday night Madeleine slept like a champ: 6 hours, a break for nursing, and then 2.5 hours. I think that most mothers would have been ecstatic if their 5-week old slept for 6 hours straight. I, however, immediately fell into a massive anxiety attack. There was panic and there was fear since the last time she slept 6 hours straight it was because she was sick. Luckily, this was not the case this time around.

The virus and resulting hospitalization was truely one of the scariest times I’ve had as a parent. It’s one of those events where you don’t realize just how affected you are until after the fact — when the adrenaline has gone, the sleep deprivation catches up and your brain begins to function and process the events. The anxiety attacks are acute and concentrated. They flare up at the slightest notion that Madeleine may feel warm to the touch. Visions of the hospital room, the claustrophobia brought on by the cramped quarters, the sounds of the alarms on the monitors going off at all hours of the night come hurtling back to me. I do NOT want to go back there. I do NOT want my daughter to be sick. I want to enjoy her infancy and not fear everyone that comes within 6 inches of her.

The more rational part of me understands that these fears will fade and the whole incident will go down in the history books as “the time you were a baby and scared us all to death”. But how long will that take? How long before I can relax?



  1. Oh Katia… I can completely understand. When Charlotte was young she got so sick that the doctors thought she had RSV – it scared the heck out of us. It took me a long time to get over that and trust that she *really* would be ok.
    Just try to take it one day at a time, and that anxiety will subside with time. I think worry is something that comes with the territory as a parent; with two kids it’s like double the worry. Fingers crossed that you all stay healthy and Madeleine gets big and strong.

    Comment by Emily — August 31, 2007 @ 9:06 am

  2. At the risk of sounding frivolous, I find milkshakes the most soothing, fear-allaying non-pharmaceutical application possible. Bad for restoring the girlish figure, but a sound mind precedes the sound body. You might also consider cinnamon toast; herbal tea, if that helps. And M2 will keep growing and that will help calm you down; but you know that!

    Comment by Marianne — August 31, 2007 @ 11:34 am

  3. Well, stitches are not the same as a virus, but James’ gouge did go down almost to the bone. It looked so deep to me I honestly thought that maybe they wouldn’t be able to fix it. Well, 13 stitches later (not counting the ones they had to do inside as an under layer)he was OK, but I was not. It took a couple of months accident-free for me to relax. As time passes and Madeleine stays healthy, your anxiety will normalize I think. In the end we all just have to chalk it up to “bad luck” and hope for the best in the future. Don’t rush it…. it will happen….
    enjoy the baby days as best you can in the meantime!

    Comment by Lynette — August 31, 2007 @ 11:46 am

  4. It moves more into the background when other childhood diseases come along; with each episode you become more relaxed because: you have mastered another crisis.!!!
    But, I don’t think you can forget. I still get goosebumps when I recall the day Annette fell over the side of the stairs to the concrete and had her concussion at age 20 months. You tumbled so often needing stitches – and I can remember each incident. But that’s life, you roll with the punches. And remember, children are very resilient. And, they don’t remember, but you gain experience.
    You do a great job!
    Love, Mom

    Comment by Mom — August 31, 2007 @ 2:07 pm

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