the five-minute life

Yo, SANDY GOLD –

you’ve inspired me. As I was taking 5 minutes to take a shower & brush my teeth (important to do this simultaneously… just be awake enough to be aware of where the toothbrush is at all times) I was remembering some commercials from my childhood: “Just 5 minutes!” Does that remind you of Ann B. Davis (aka Alice from the Brady Bunch) and her Minute Rice commercial?

In lieu of finding that particular commercial (for once YouTube, you have failed me) I did find this string of Minute Rice commercials:

Of course these days we don’t use Minute Rice as much, or at least I don’t. These days we use much fancier foods, like couscous. Which clearly because it’s foreign and has a cool sounding name must be healthier! Now, here I come to bust your bubble:

Per serving, Minute Rice is lower in calories and lower in carbohydrates then couscous. I know I know, hard to believe since Minute Rice is so 1949 — you know, that time before we knew about good nutrition like McDonalds (franchised in 1948) and Twinkies (also the 1940s) and Funnel Cakes (commercially available in the 1970s) and Deep Fried Oreos — and couscous is so… well, ANCIENT. It may be a “recent” food for North Americans but that little blob of pasta (yes, it’s pasta — not a grain) has been around a while (the 13th century).

So, what’s my point? That moms have been busy busy busy since the beginning of time and we’re constantly striving to find a way to cut time or find time. It’s Old School. But if I give everyone (Sandy, Minute Rice, et al.) those 5 minutes of time then it’s going to add up and by the end of the day I’ll be out of time.

April, April

We’ve had a lovely April this year with a lot of warm, sunny weather. This week is forecasting a lot of rain… and when the complaining started from multiple fronts I was reminded of this poem from my childhood:

April, April, der weiß nicht, was er will…

April, April,
der weiß nicht, was er will!
Mal Regen und mal Sonnenschein,
dann hagelt’s wieder zwischendrein.
April, April,
der weiß nicht, was er will!

Nun seht, nun seht,
wie’s wieder stürmt und weht,
und jetzt, oh weh, oh weh!
da fällt schon wieder dicker Schnee!
April, April,
der weiß nicht, was er will!

Get a grip folks: it rains. And really, why complain? Can you really DO anything about it?!? Nope. Without rain you wouldn’t have all the beautiful trees and flowers to admire. That’s not to say that I too wouldn’t prefer sunshine… but like I said, you can’t control the weather — so admire the way the rain makes the greens greener and then appreciate the next sunny day a little more. If you don’t like the rain… move to the desert. And God forbid it should snow like it did last April — we’d have mass suicide on our hands. Because of the weather.

I for one am really glad it’s raining this week because I planted 2 new shrubs over the weekend; the cooler weather and the rain are going to increase their chances of survival!

An unrhyming translation:

April, April,
it doesn’t know what it wants.
Sometimes rain and sometimes sunshine,
then it hails again inbetween.
April, April,
it doesn’t know what it wants.

Now see, now see,
how it’s storming and blowing again,
and now, oh no, oh no!
there is thick snow falling again
April, April,
it doesn’t know what it wants.

way too perky

I subscribe to a motherly-related newsletter through ModernMom.com and generally I find the information entertaining, if not entirely useful. The other day the newsletter had a youtube video from Sandy Gold called “Sandy’s 5 min. Wake.up and Make.up Routine!” I think the exclamation mark at the end of the title alone should have served as warning that this was going to be perky. Very perky.

By the end of Sandy’s little video I was ready to reach through my computer screen and slap her — the woman readily admits that she has no kids and yet goes on to tell us moms to find 5 minutes in the morning to slap on some make-up.  Between waking up, taking the dog out & feeding him, getting dressed, feeding 2 kids, getting THEM dressed… and then undressed to change a diaper and then dressed again… getting myself fed, putting together the bags to go in the car, finding my shoes, and doing the myriad of other little things that constitute part of my morning routine (and this is on a good morning when there are no temper tantrums to deal with!) I don’t have five minutes to put on make up, much less smile while I’m at it. Little perky Sandy makes a few assumptions too: that I own foundation; that if I do own foundation that I know where it is; that if I do own it & know where it is… that it’s not 3 years old (coincidentally the age of my oldest child?) and hasn’t gone rotten in the tube.

I’d like to see Sandy Gold in 10 years from now after she’s had 2 kids… she’ll be lucky if she has time to pee & brush her teeth in the morning.

if this is what being 3 is all about…

… I’ll take it. For the past 3 days we have had nary a temper tantrum. I am in heaven. And it’s not that there weren’t any opportunities for temper tantrums. There were plenty, but for whatever reason Richard and I were able to reason through a situation with Maja. The real breakthough, though, was when Maja reasoned through a situation all by herself. Be.Still.My.Heart. Here’s how it went:

Me: Maja, why don’t you pick out some books for us to read on the couch and I’ll get your milk.

Maja: I want to help you. I want to pour the milk.

Me: Ok, you can help. Let’s go to the kitchen.

[I got the milk out and poured it without her help. Before I fully realized what I had just done...̲]

Maja: Mom! I wanted to help! Oh, that’s ok I guess, I can pour my milk tomorrow with this big jug.

Please note: a few weeks ago Maja would have had a complete meltdown, an on-the-floor crying fit. Yesterday she did not. I want to know what alien took my child and replaced it with this agreeable 3-year-old. I have to remind you, that I have accused aliens of taking my agreeable child in the past and replacing it with the disagreeable one. I think they’ve returned her. Phew. It’s only been 20 months.

To further my point:

• Maja has with my urging, taken to getting up out of bed by herself in the mornings instead of lying there screaming and crying until someone comes and gets her. She did it for the first time on Saturday morning and it was awesome as she came downstairs proud as punch with herself and a big smile on her face.
• Maja was an angel at the dinner table yesterday. She ate pizza and then even had some taco: complete with seasoned ground beef, tomatoes, cheese and sour cream. We worked on table manners: “can you please pass me the xxxx” and she had a great time with it!

I hope this continues!

the return of the summer hat

The blue summer hat that Maja wore has made a reappearance.